I’m going to start keeping a daily journal so people can understand me more directly and what I am about.

The hardest thing I face is merging my identity with God / as God with my worldly identity. There is a deep memory inside me that stared at Mary in the void before anything was created. She was there, and I was there, and from that we now find ourselves in a world with more people than we could ever count in a life time, with so many different aspects of life that it is too much to fathom.

If I was alone in the void, this is the exact circumstance I would create: a life with so much going on that one could never see all the aspects of it.

I’m staying in a New York City homeless shelter currently while Mary is in Lagos, Nigeria with her two children David and Sarah, which I have taken heart to be responsible for.

It is better she has the money because she has the kids, and there is a plan in place for her to move here to New Jersey (where she has a family home) and live together and work together to gain notary in this world we find ourselves in.

Mary and I are similar that we do not have many friends, if any really, who understand us. She seems to be the only person in the world that I am aligned with and our personalities mesh well. I am reminded that if we are God (and I am saying “if” for your sake, not mine), that everything that comes after us cannot comprehend us fully because they are part of God, and not God themselves. And to make matter more complicated, the only way people can understand me is if they accept me as Christ, which is a pre-requisite for having the nature of God and the above realms revealed by the Holy Spirit. It’s a frustrating condition.

Even to the day that Jesus died, he was misunderstood by the people of this world. They had him crucified, which, in part, was by design and part of his destiny of a path chosen before a path was chosen. I refer to him as third person here because its practical, not because I don’t identify with that past.

Money is tight, if not non-existent. I’ve maxed out my credit lines and sent as much crypto currency to Mary as I could so that she can use it to make her way here in January. I have maybe $350 left on a credit card that is being reviewed currently, and maybe a phone or two we purchased using our credit lines that we will resell in order to garner a few more dollars to keep us going and afloat

I recognize my high debt to low income ratio currently and am doing everything I can to secure a contract as a software developer so we can start paying off those debts incurred. I went as far as making people who go to my company site unable to visit this site and Scarlet Beast’s main site, because of the lack of credibility I have when people hear me calling myself Christ. One of the hardest struggles I had in my life is merging my Christ identity with a regular identity, for lack of a better way of putting it.

No one wants to really hear that I am Christ. And if they do, they quickly wonder about my mental health and if they want to even associate with me. I’ve been working towards getting legal representation but so far I have no way of being treated like a human being when I mention anything to do with my Christ identity

Mary seems to have shown some interest in becoming a cryptocurrency investor. It is substantial that when Mary and myself united, the cryptocurrency market seems to have boomed, which is also in relation to Donald Trump becoming president-elect.

I am looking for a software development contract moving forward. Again I will have to hide my truest self for sake of an earned dollar. I am currently in a public library writing this.

Our website is receiving more traffic than it has in the past. I have about 160 unique visitors and rising. I have no plan at this point that is solidified besides to keep moving forward doing my best to stablize my current condition. I have long term plans though I am the only one on my team besides Mary. Things seem somewhat bleak, though faith keeps me going… keeps us going.

Mary is a god send to me. Without her, I’d be lost and insecure. She is the one person that anchors me in the reality we both find ourselves in.